{Rant} Not So Happy Father’s Day

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excuse the old photo of me as a kid

Father’s day has exploded on my social media, everyone sharing their amazing moments with their dad’s and I can’t help but feel jealous and sad that I never had a dad well I did but not one that was around at all.

Not to make this a post about how bad I have it that many more people have issues as well who doesn’t even have parents but I just wanted to vent and if you don’t care that’s fine you don’t have to read any of this.  A personal note to myself to help me get over another sad holiday or even in my life and writing about it helps me cope.

My dad and I never had any relationship like everyone else in my family, it’s sad and I honestly don’t get why but I just never felt part of any real family… My parents got separated since I was about 2 and they just never got a lot I can count 10 or even less moments that I actually spent with my dad we never spoke and he never paid child support.  He never made any effort to see me or wonder how I am, to be honest in my eyes he doesn’t even deserve to be called a father, this might sound harsh to you all but 26 years of my existence my dad has not tried at all years go by without a phone call or a message nothing…  It’s not like I haven’t tried either I’ve tried a few times to get hold of him managed to add him on Facebook just to have him comment mean words as if I did something wrong, It got so bad that I had to block him – then he would call and scream at me for no reason and tell me what a bitch I am seriously? What man that claims to be your father treats their baby daughter like scum of the world just because she has a life and is happy not to have him in it.  My life is great I’m happy without any family drama I just cut them out u don’t have time for people being rude to me and treat me like rubbish family or not I have taken enough emotional abuse I can handle.

So tell me I’m wrong for blocked my father out of my life , emotionally he killed my spirit the threats, the guilt as if I’m the reason he was never the dad I so badly wanted the dad I wanted to protect me against the world, to beat off anyone who try to hurt his little girl.  I would never have that I can only hope that my future kids don’t go through the same things I have.

I wasn’t sure if I should share this with you guys – it is very personal but you know what it made me feel better getting it off my chest and I don’t feel ashamed at all for having a fucked up father that didn’t care, it just made me a stronger person.

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71 Comments

  1. Erin Russell
    December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    My dad has always been a useless waste of space. And it breaks my heart my Sons dad is near enough exactly the same. Needless to say I was upset on Sunday. It hurts seeing so many people having amazing role models and mine are as much use as a chocolate teapot. Shoutout to mums who do it alone

    Erin || MakeErinOver

    • December 6, 2018 / 5:48 am

      Aw love I’m so sorry you going through that no one deserves to have a useless parent who doesn’t even care enough

  2. Laura
    June 21, 2016 / 10:18 am

    I’m so bad at sharing personal stuff on blog, I don’t know why. I guess I have hard time opening up. Your so brave to share it with the world! Fathers day for me is hard as well, but completely different reasons. My dad past away over year ago and its just a reminder that he is not in my life no more.

    Laura
    http://okumoku.blogspot.be/

  3. Erin Russell
    June 21, 2016 / 10:55 am

    My dad has always been a useless waste of space. And it breaks my heart my Sons dad is near enough exactly the same. Needless to say I was upset on Sunday. It hurts seeing so many people having amazing role models and mine are as much use as a chocolate teapot. Shoutout to mums who do it alone

    Erin || MakeErinOver

    • June 21, 2016 / 4:00 pm

      Aw love I’m so sorry you going through that no one deserves to have a useless parent who doesn’t even care enough

  4. June 21, 2016 / 12:39 pm

    My heart goes out to you Candice. My son’s father is exactly the same. My son is 6 now and his father wants nothing to do with him. When I told him I was pregnant he told me to have an abortion. Some men aren’t meant to be fathers. I am sorry for the way your father treats you. He doesn’t deserve to know the wonderful person you are. Keep your head up beautiful, there are a lot of people who love you! x

  5. June 21, 2016 / 12:41 pm

    I’m exactly the same as you, my parents split when I was little and my dad was basically never there, never paid for anything and always shifted the blame. When I turned 18 I got sick of all the drama it caused and how upset it made me, so I decided to completely block him out of my life and cut him off. Since then I’ve never felt better, so even though father’s day sucks for me, I would rather be independent without a dad, than have a deadbeat one. Lovely post!

    Anika | anikamay.co.uk

    • June 21, 2016 / 4:03 pm

      Thank you Anika I’m really sad that so many of us has gone through this a parent who has just not even tried even if he didn’t have money I atleast wanted a dad I could count on… No one should be going through this

  6. June 21, 2016 / 3:42 pm

    I’m very sorry to hear that, he doesn’t know what he is missing. I am going to see my Father tomorrow, it will be difficult but for a different reason, my Mother has just gone to a care home

    • June 21, 2016 / 4:04 pm

      Aww love I’m so sorry to hear that I hope all goes well with your dad

  7. June 21, 2016 / 4:04 pm

    You did good- the best is to cut out if pissible from such toxic ppl- worser is if you can’t.

  8. Diana Maria
    June 21, 2016 / 7:56 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s so heartbreaking but also shows how strong you are. Your father may not know what he has lost, but you have grown into such an amazing woman and because you know how important it is to have a parent in your life, I’m sure you will be there for your own children one day to give them what you never had a chance to experience. I hope you feel better love, stay strong and keep your head up πŸ™‚

    My Lovelier Days

    • June 21, 2016 / 8:43 pm

      Thank you so much Diana for your kinds words – I really do appreciate it.

  9. Bianca Balutto
    June 21, 2016 / 9:13 pm

    I can relate my parents split when I was about 5 and my father always chose his other family over me and continues to do so after knowing what they have put me through. We use to talk but when ever we spoke he would just criticise me and make me feel worthless. Fathers day was so difficult for me I also felt so jealous of everyone and their relationships with their fathers. I always use to beg him to spend time with me and he always had excuses and a couple months ago I seen him out and about all happy with his other family. It really hurt he never protected me and never stood up for me πŸ™ Sigh I just don’t understand why some fathers are like that.

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:03 pm

      Oh hun I’m so sorry you must be feeling so hurt and I can relate…. It’s sad I don’t get why some dad’s are like that honestly not worth calling a father it blows my mind to know how family your own blood can trend you it’s disgusting

  10. sasha anderson
    June 21, 2016 / 9:48 pm

    I feel this ever so deeply. Father’s day just isn’t enjoyable for me. I wish I had a loving father in my life. I just feel so incomplete but I try my best keep my head up. It just sucks to have a father who is alive but not active in your life. Stay strong!

    Have a great day!
    xoSE
    http://www.sashaelizabeth.com/

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:04 pm

      I hope you stay strong too hun atleast there are a few ladies that’s going through it as well and we can relate to what you feeling. Always there to talk

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:05 pm

      Thank you Laura I can be really thankful I do have an amazing partner. But that little girl instead me still gets sad about not having a dad it’s just not the same

      • June 24, 2016 / 2:00 am

        I totally understand, you’re not alone. My boyfriend never had a dad.

  11. June 22, 2016 / 8:48 am

    This hurts me so much because I have such a close relationship with my father,he’s like one of my best buddies. I can’t fathom what this may feel like, but I’m so sorry doll. At least you have tried to reach out, you have done that step, thats all you can do. If he wont acknowledge that, its not your fault. Again you can’t sit around and be disrespected by him. You tried babe. I hope in time things change, and it can get better… He will contact you one day, I’m sure he will.

    Stay strong doll. You turned out to be a beautiful woman and you are already surrounded with so much love <3

    xoxo

    Kat

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:08 pm

      Aww thank you Katleho you are one of the lucky ones! I’m so happy you have a father who takes care of you.. I am happier without having rubbish like that in my life but sometimes it does make me sad I’m always going to wonder what did I do wrong to not have one who cares

  12. June 22, 2016 / 8:56 am

    I am so sorry to hear this dear, it’s so heartbreaking but you turned out to be a great and strong girl. I am so glad that you shared some important part of your life with us. I wish you a great future dear, you have whole life ahead of you πŸ™‚ Stay strong my dear, much love πŸ™‚ x
    http://www.ambiinwonderland.com

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:09 pm

      Thank you Ambi i really appreciate your support and lovely message it makes me feel happy that people actually support me even though they don’t even know me. Which is why I do want to share more personal things there’s so much going on around the world that everyone needs to know about whether it’s sad or not

  13. Trang Do
    June 22, 2016 / 9:02 am

    I’m so sorry dear!! Stay strong!
    Love,
    Kisses and hugs from http://www.trangscorner.com {a lifestyle, fashion, beauty, and food blog}

  14. December 4, 2018 / 7:28 pm

    Candice, you’re a lovely girl. So sad, you’re going through this. You tried to connect, but someone that is abusive verbally etc. is not good to be around. You did the right thing by blocking him. He has some major issues that need to be resolved. Only he can do it. Maybe one day he’ll change and you’ll have a chance to reconnect. Praying for you.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

    • December 5, 2018 / 4:49 pm

      Thank you Kim I hope someday when I am ready to at the moment I am happier without him in my life I need positivity in my life…. People in the world are so cruel I don’t expect my blood to be too that breaks my heart

  15. June 22, 2016 / 3:46 pm

    Don’t ever feel ashamed about having a terrible father, because you came out amazing. You are not wrong for blocking out such a negative aspect of your life. You are amazing Candice for being so candid. <3

    xx Bash |   go say   H E Y   B A S H

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:10 pm

      Aww Bash you are just too sweet I really do appreciate the motivation

  16. June 22, 2016 / 4:08 pm

    Candice, you’re a lovely girl. So sad, you’re going through this. You tried to connect, but someone that is abusive verbally etc. is not good to be around. You did the right thing by blocking him. He has some major issues that need to be resolved. Only he can do it. Maybe one day he’ll change and you’ll have a chance to reconnect. Praying for you.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:12 pm

      Thank you Kim I hope someday when I am ready to at the moment I am happier without him in my life I need positivity in my life…. People in the world are so cruel I don’t expect my blood to be too that breaks my heart

  17. June 22, 2016 / 8:55 pm

    I have always been of the belief that if someone treats you poorly or doesn’t bring any positivity into your life (family or not) you have to cut them out. Good for you for having the strength to do it, that takes a lot of courage! XO -Kim

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:13 pm

      Thank you Kim it breaks me to but I have just started blocking my family too dad and all I don’t need people like that in my life bring you down the world enough is a cruel place

  18. June 22, 2016 / 9:56 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship with your dad. I think its important to use your blog to also get out your emotions about life and not only makeup. It is your blog so you should be able to do as you please. I hope that things work out for the two of you in the future.
    x Rivania | The Glam Unicorn

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:14 pm

      Thank you Rivania I hope some day too before it’s too late but until then I’m not going to beg and take the punches I’m better then that

  19. December 5, 2018 / 4:49 pm

    Candice, girl, I’m with you. My mother married a pretty shit person (physically, verbally abusive, deluded, etc, you name it lol) and I’m not about to feel ashamed about it. Father’s Day passed me by without any events and it felt awkward when people asked me how mine went, but y’know what, we’ll be okay. I hope you at least had a lovely weekend, Candice. Cheers! x

    MAY | http://WWW.THEMAYDEN.COM

  20. June 23, 2016 / 12:26 pm

    Candice, girl, I’m with you. My mother married a pretty shit person (physically, verbally abusive, deluded, etc, you name it lol) and I’m not about to feel ashamed about it. Father’s Day passed me by without any events and it felt awkward when people asked me how mine went, but y’know what, we’ll be okay. I hope you at least had a lovely weekend, Candice. Cheers! x

    MAY | http://WWW.THEMAYDEN.COM

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:16 pm

      Thank you May, I take some comfort that so many of us ladies have a family member or parent that does this life is fucked up I had no idea so many have gone through same as I.. I hope some day both of our parents can see their wrongs

  21. Anna-Alina
    June 23, 2016 / 12:57 pm

    My dad is very busy always and I don’t see him very often, but still our relationships are nice, while I have really bad relationships with mom that makes me fell bad too…

    http://anna-alina.blogspot.com/

    • June 23, 2016 / 11:18 pm

      I have bad relationship with both parents who is why I don’t live with family at all…. It’s sad but I’m happier alone although I miss them or miss what I wish we had… I hope you get to sort out things with your mom

  22. Cherice Landers
    December 4, 2018 / 7:28 pm

    I can totally relate. In my 22 years of existence, I’ve only spoke to my “father” about 6 times. Parents got divorced when I was about 2 yrs old and he wasn’t bothered to contact me until I was 13. His absence didn’t really bother me because my mom managed to be such a great parent but I was curious to meet this man and see what would happen. Met him while I was on holiday in CPT with a friend (I stay in JHB, he’s originally from DBN but moved to CPT and got remarried). So awkward! He kept acting as if we had a normal father-daughter relationship & telling me he loves me and all I could think was “HOW DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU HARDLY KNOW?!?”. Safe to say I never said those words back or called him “dad” because his choice to not take care of his responsibilities as a grown man meant to me, that he didn’t deserve that title. For a few years he came in & out of my life and I can’t deal with inconsistency so I eventually cut him off after giving him multiple chances and especially after this speech he gave me: “I’m a changed man, I’m a man of God now, I want to take care of my 2 children”. I was HORRIFIED because when I went to CPT I met my half sister who is now 9. He was referring to taking care of me & her but conveniently erasing my half brother from his memory that he had with another woman before I was even conceived. My mother is very open and even had pictures of my half brother but I think he had no idea that I ever knew about his existence and he looked at me as if he’d seen a ghost when I asked “And what about your son??” That statement and lack of acknowledgement of his son showed me exactly what time of man he is, one that I’m perfectly fine without. Sorry for my long rant and thank you for sharing πŸ™‚ x

    http://www.glamhipsterdiaries.com

  23. Cherice Landers
    June 24, 2016 / 5:32 am

    I can totally relate. In my 22 years of existence, I’ve only spoke to my “father” about 6 times. Parents got divorced when I was about 2 yrs old and he wasn’t bothered to contact me until I was 13. His absence didn’t really bother me because my mom managed to be such a great parent but I was curious to meet this man and see what would happen. Met him while I was on holiday in CPT with a friend (I stay in JHB, he’s originally from DBN but moved to CPT and got remarried). So awkward! He kept acting as if we had a normal father-daughter relationship & telling me he loves me and all I could think was “HOW DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU HARDLY KNOW?!?”. Safe to say I never said those words back or called him “dad” because his choice to not take care of his responsibilities as a grown man meant to me, that he didn’t deserve that title. For a few years he came in & out of my life and I can’t deal with inconsistency so I eventually cut him off after giving him multiple chances and especially after this speech he gave me: “I’m a changed man, I’m a man of God now, I want to take care of my 2 children”. I was HORRIFIED because when I went to CPT I met my half sister who is now 9. He was referring to taking care of me & her but conveniently erasing my half brother from his memory that he had with another woman before I was even conceived. My mother is very open and even had pictures of my half brother but I think he had no idea that I ever knew about his existence and he looked at me as if he’d seen a ghost when I asked “And what about your son??” That statement and lack of acknowledgement of his son showed me exactly what time of man he is, one that I’m perfectly fine without. Sorry for my long rant and thank you for sharing πŸ™‚ x

    http://www.glamhipsterdiaries.com

  24. December 4, 2018 / 7:28 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship with your dad. I think its important to use your blog to also get out your emotions about life and not only makeup. It is your blog so you should be able to do as you please. I hope that things work out for the two of you in the future.
    x Rivania | The Glam Unicorn

  25. Bianca Balutto
    December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    I can relate my parents split when I was about 5 and my father always chose his other family over me and continues to do so after knowing what they have put me through. We use to talk but when ever we spoke he would just criticise me and make me feel worthless. Fathers day was so difficult for me I also felt so jealous of everyone and their relationships with their fathers. I always use to beg him to spend time with me and he always had excuses and a couple months ago I seen him out and about all happy with his other family. It really hurt he never protected me and never stood up for me πŸ™ Sigh I just don’t understand why some fathers are like that.

  26. December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    This hurts me so much because I have such a close relationship with my father,he’s like one of my best buddies. I can’t fathom what this may feel like, but I’m so sorry doll. At least you have tried to reach out, you have done that step, thats all you can do. If he wont acknowledge that, its not your fault. Again you can’t sit around and be disrespected by him. You tried babe. I hope in time things change, and it can get better… He will contact you one day, I’m sure he will.

    Stay strong doll. You turned out to be a beautiful woman and you are already surrounded with so much love <3

    xoxo

    Kat

  27. December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    I’m exactly the same as you, my parents split when I was little and my dad was basically never there, never paid for anything and always shifted the blame. When I turned 18 I got sick of all the drama it caused and how upset it made me, so I decided to completely block him out of my life and cut him off. Since then I’ve never felt better, so even though father’s day sucks for me, I would rather be independent without a dad, than have a deadbeat one. Lovely post!

    Anika | anikamay.co.uk

  28. sasha anderson
    December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    I feel this ever so deeply. Father’s day just isn’t enjoyable for me. I wish I had a loving father in my life. I just feel so incomplete but I try my best keep my head up. It just sucks to have a father who is alive but not active in your life. Stay strong!

    Have a great day!
    xoSE
    http://www.sashaelizabeth.com/

  29. Trang Do
    December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    I’m so sorry dear!! Stay strong!
    Love,
    Kisses and hugs from http://www.trangscorner.com {a lifestyle, fashion, beauty, and food blog}

  30. December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    Don’t ever feel ashamed about having a terrible father, because you came out amazing. You are not wrong for blocking out such a negative aspect of your life. You are amazing Candice for being so candid. <3

    xx Bash |   go say   H E Y   B A S H

  31. December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    I have always been of the belief that if someone treats you poorly or doesn’t bring any positivity into your life (family or not) you have to cut them out. Good for you for having the strength to do it, that takes a lot of courage! XO -Kim

  32. December 4, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    I am so sorry to hear this dear, it’s so heartbreaking but you turned out to be a great and strong girl. I am so glad that you shared some important part of your life with us. I wish you a great future dear, you have whole life ahead of you πŸ™‚ Stay strong my dear, much love πŸ™‚ x
    http://www.ambiinwonderland.com

  33. December 5, 2018 / 7:38 pm

    You did good- the best is to cut out if pissible from such toxic ppl- worser is if you can’t.

  34. Laura
    December 5, 2018 / 7:38 pm

    I’m so bad at sharing personal stuff on blog, I don’t know why. I guess I have hard time opening up. Your so brave to share it with the world! Fathers day for me is hard as well, but completely different reasons. My dad past away over year ago and its just a reminder that he is not in my life no more.

    Laura
    http://okumoku.blogspot.be/

  35. December 5, 2018 / 7:38 pm

    My heart goes out to you Candice. My son’s father is exactly the same. My son is 6 now and his father wants nothing to do with him. When I told him I was pregnant he told me to have an abortion. Some men aren’t meant to be fathers. I am sorry for the way your father treats you. He doesn’t deserve to know the wonderful person you are. Keep your head up beautiful, there are a lot of people who love you! x

  36. Diana Maria
    December 6, 2018 / 5:45 am

    I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s so heartbreaking but also shows how strong you are. Your father may not know what he has lost, but you have grown into such an amazing woman and because you know how important it is to have a parent in your life, I’m sure you will be there for your own children one day to give them what you never had a chance to experience. I hope you feel better love, stay strong and keep your head up πŸ™‚

    My Lovelier Days

    • December 6, 2018 / 5:48 am

      Thank you so much Diana for your kinds words – I really do appreciate it.

  37. December 6, 2018 / 5:45 am

    I’m very sorry to hear that, he doesn’t know what he is missing. I am going to see my Father tomorrow, it will be difficult but for a different reason, my Mother has just gone to a care home

    • December 6, 2018 / 5:48 am

      Aww love I’m so sorry to hear that I hope all goes well with your dad

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