Father’s day has exploded on my social media, everyone sharing their amazing moments with their dad’s and I can’t help but feel jealous and sad that I never had a dad well I did but not one that was around at all.
Not to make this a post about how bad I have it that many more people have issues as well who doesn’t even have parents but I just wanted to vent and if you don’t care that’s fine you don’t have to read any of this. A personal note to myself to help me get over another sad holiday or even in my life and writing about it helps me cope.
My dad and I never had any relationship like everyone else in my family, it’s sad and I honestly don’t get why but I just never felt part of any real family… My parents got separated since I was about 2 and they just never got a lot I can count 10 or even less moments that I actually spent with my dad we never spoke and he never paid child support. He never made any effort to see me or wonder how I am, to be honest in my eyes he doesn’t even deserve to be called a father, this might sound harsh to you all but 26 years of my existence my dad has not tried at all years go by without a phone call or a message nothing… It’s not like I haven’t tried either I’ve tried a few times to get hold of him managed to add him on Facebook just to have him comment mean words as if I did something wrong, It got so bad that I had to block him – then he would call and scream at me for no reason and tell me what a bitch I am seriously? What man that claims to be your father treats their baby daughter like scum of the world just because she has a life and is happy not to have him in it. My life is great I’m happy without any family drama I just cut them out u don’t have time for people being rude to me and treat me like rubbish family or not I have taken enough emotional abuse I can handle.
So tell me I’m wrong for blocked my father out of my life , emotionally he killed my spirit the threats, the guilt as if I’m the reason he was never the dad I so badly wanted the dad I wanted to protect me against the world, to beat off anyone who try to hurt his little girl. I would never have that I can only hope that my future kids don’t go through the same things I have.
I wasn’t sure if I should share this with you guys – it is very personal but you know what it made me feel better getting it off my chest and I don’t feel ashamed at all for having a fucked up father that didn’t care, it just made me a stronger person.0